The Smell Of God

I'd roll in this. Is that a dunk tank in the back-makes it even better.

OK, I halfta turn off my ancient computer when I'm eating breakfast cause I'll never finish eating at this rate. Guess who has a new fragrance...I'll just tell you...the freekin' Pope; yes that Pope.

Not only is B16 down with wearing the super ugly hats or cruising the blvd in that sick arse Pope Mobile, he's down for smelling good. Lemmie tell y'all, I was raised Catholic and when the priest and his entourage walk to the alter with that "incense" that smells like death...a little fragrance is OK by me.

Hello losers, check out my super ugly hats. B16 beeotches.

OK, so let the jokes begin. "Kriss, what does it smell like. Does it smell like boys being raped, the blood of Christ, boy butt, Ben Gay, stale crackers and boys butt." Sorry to disappoint but, as the French say, "non." Italian boutique perfume maker, Silvana Casoli, made this exclusive fragrance outta lime tree, verbana and grass. The entire list of ingredients is just as secret as the church itself. But the parfume maker did say that her delicate creation is "based on his love on nature." I'll say it so you don't halfta...that's where the smell of young boy comes in, right.

This Casoli is quite the popular elitist boutique proprietor. Customers include Madonna (the one that posed naked, not the holy one), Sting and a King or two. Previous holy scents include Water of Faith and Water of Hope. This is so cool. While many churches are closing down because of the economy, while the services for the poor (their only redeeming endeavor) are being cut to nill, a pedophile protector  can smell of "hope" and "faith" while simultaneously taking away the hope and faith of a young boy. How convenient  and by convenient I mean disgusting.

Italy is kinda cool.

Here's the other side of that fragrant coin. She also makes one called Italy which I imagine smells like the sex parties of their disgraced President Bunga Bunga. There is one called Cannabis which is supposed to be hypnotic (1) and a forbidden one called Nude. Oh joy where do I begin with that one...

"...inspired by the smell of a woman's skin when in the state of ecstasy." Ooorrrr, my interpretation, the smell of sweat, jizz, stale alcohol and cannabis, but not the perfume, the real stuff, gasoline, err I mean cocaine and cigarettes. Because I was raised Catholic, it also smells like guilt and sin, like I have done something wrong. In fact it smells like Hell because that is where I would go if it existed, there I said it. It smells like a musty old blues song and me loading my gun as I leave thru the back window. OK, I'm finished.

There is enuff hair on this cooch equivalent to 80 twenty-something females of 2012.

So B16 wears enuff bling to make hip hop artists envy. His ride is the ultimate and it comes with dudes running along side of it. And now he has his own fragrance. To bad we can't buy it. It is exclusively for the Pope. It couldn't be anyother way, peeps. If it was for everyone, then they wouldn't be that exclusive and elitist club that Team Atheist calls the...church.

(1) I have a version of the perfume called Cannabis...it's called smoking weed.

I like blond hair lately.

I'll Punch God's Face

I got this at biblical wallpaper dot com, or something.

The Myth We All Grew Up Hearing

Kid with small kid brain, "Mommy, why does it rain."

Adult that should know better, "Because God is crying (for all those poor homo's and their homo souls)."

Kid with small kid brain, "God must be really sad."

Adult that should know better, "Don't question God, honey...ever."

How Kriss See's It now.

I hate the fucking rain,

God doesn't exist and,

if God did exist and,

one day I would meet

Him-her-it,

then I would punch that

fucker, in the face

 (if it had one).

In conclusion...this is Nor Cal so WTF, and the rain sucks.

Dirty stinky hippies in the sun.

Cute fashionable girls...in the sun.

When it rains in Sacramento, it feels like the end of the world.

* It's really only gonna rain, like, a millimeter or something...I haven't seen the sun since yesterday so what can I say, I'm Californian.

That Stupid Cross On Government Land

Oh...oh oh oh, OH oh....I think they hafta go (that was my attempt at a joke*). Well, maybe they just don't understand, you know, the constitution, the law of the land-n-stuff.

"Reporting from Washington— 

The House on Tuesday approved a measure that seeks to permit religious symbols on federal war memorials, a response to a court ruling that declared a cross atop a San Diego memorial violated the Constitution (link)."

"They" should use info from Zeitgeist and debate that the cross is a universal symbol and not a Christian symbol. funny.

What's the big deal-eo anywho, it's just a FREEKIN CROSS on government land and nobody relates that to Christianity. Sure there is all that church-n-state stuff but I wanted to address something else. A couple of months ago, and a couple of articles ago-I think it was in a comment section-a soldier said something like...they didn't even fight in a war and they will never go on base to see it, so WTF. I fought and I like it. So there. Me, "ugh."

"Thanks for fighting for us soldier. now we can eat freedom fires, " Fat American white kid.

What is dude sayin'. I get the impression from that comment, and others like it (and there are many like minded, peeps) is that soldier dude has a little more say in it than Joe civilian. He's fought and he's served, he's Christian, so dagnabit...it's OK by him. Perhaps he's even the kind that will cry religious persecution and claim that his religious freedom has been hijacked by those secularists, by people that interpret the constitution different than he (perhaps, I dunno, just sayin'). These are the kinda peeps that also say things like, "Well, if you don't like this country, then git out!" Whoa Nelly....c'mon now.

Believers have hijacked many thingies that belong to everyone. For example one cannot be "spiritual" or have a transcendent experience if one does not believe in the correct religion (preferably American Christianity...for white people....dudes only. No "bundles of sticks."). The word "life" or "pro life" was stole by the pro lifers. Automatically, if you are against them, then you are against "life (then we halfta waste time explaining the opposite.sheez). Which brings me to this...

"Bundle of sticks." I thought it was funny.

If you do not subscribe to the American Christian God of American Exceptionalism and dominionism, then there is no way that you can be patriotic. No way. It's impossible. YOUUUUU do not have that invisible laser beam of patriotism (similar to the laser beam of the ability to love. No God, no ability to love for you, you heathen.) being sent into your incapable mere earthly self. We cannot have simple appreciation and gratitude for all the brave men and women that have sacrificed for the general public's freedom. We are not capable according to soldier dude.

So because we will never go on base to see this particular violation of church and state and because he did what he was supposed to do, which is follow orders because he signed up for that (and he happens to be Christian), then he has a little more right than you and I and he is justified in not following the constitution.

NOT

* That was supposed to be Led Zepplin

The Kalam Argument and Myyyyyyy Forty Niner's

Kriss, don't watch the game today...OK, baby.

Believe it or not...I'm totally human. I have the whole range of human emotions (thanks Prozac), thoughts and feelings. I know I'm a martial arts baddass-n-stuff, but really...there are times when I get scared...there are times when I'm irrational (sorry to burst your bubble). In fact, months ago I frackin' prayed (1). Today, Sunday, err, I dunno the date, I will once again show my irrational-ness and subscribe to superstition-y-ness, in the form of the very childish and illogical-jinx. You see, kind gentle and very good looking readers, try as I may to NOT watch sports and NOT be a fan (which comes from the word fanatic), just like an alcoholic in a liquor store...I'm drinking the cool aid called this seasons freekin Fory Niner's.

For pretty much the last decade, I have watched every pathetic game of every season and with love in my heart for my guys...The Phoney Niner's (I routed for frackin' Cody Picket. Cody Picket. Sheez).  They are Phoney no more. In fact, they are hella good. 13-3 is above and beyond what it takes to win the pathetic NFC West and today they are a gonna play the NY Giants in the NFC Division Championships-winner goes to that Superbowl that sports fanatics always talk about. Here's the skeptic catch...

I have not watched a Niner's game all season and the one game I did watch involved the fourth member of the trinity and his team the Denver Broncos with, Timmy Tebow (he won on last second heroics. Thanks Jesus). Look, if you don't follow sports or ever played sports then I can't explain what a fan is or our irrational behavior. All I know is that I haven't watched a Niner's game all year, they had a great winning year, and I know in my heart that if I watch the game today...they will lose. Lemmie put it this way for all you brainiacs out there.

i. I have not watched a Niner game all season.
ii. They have had a great a winning season, therefore
iii. If I watch today, they will lose.

Does this look familiar to anyone. It should....

i. Everything has a beginning
ii. The universe has a beginning, therefore
iii God exists

Kinda makes me wonder...who is William Lane Craig's team.

Go Niner's.

* If you're not on Team Atheist of Team Believer...it is called the Kalam cosmological argument....stupid.

(1) So sue me. I was in a lot of pain and I prayed to God, or anyone that would listen, to relieve my suffering. Wanna know what happened...it got worse. Dam, that nonexistent Gawd sure does work in mysterious ways. Go Niner's.