Don't Baptize Me When I Die...Or I'll Haunt You

I guess this could be "what's the harm" thingies, but really peeps...it's the principle. Those crazy, and I do mean crazy, Mormons are at it again baptizing the deceased of other denominations. Recently they got caught baptizing dead Jews, specifically the parents of Holocaust survivor, Simon Wiesenthal (then after, they apologized because it is so stupid wrong). Well, guess who is Mormon now, even tho she is dead...yea, how'd ya guess...Anne "Freekin" Frank, yes, that Anne Frank.

"Plug your dam nose kid and shut the fuck up already."

Researcher Helen Radkey, who also busted the Mormon church for those other super freekish baptisms, also revealed this one. She said that Anne's name was in the records of the Santo Domingo Temple in the Dominican Republic around Feb 18th-ish. Who cares about that shit...why. Why the fuck would someone do this?

There is a great article on Slate that addresses this, but of course I can't (not willing) find it. That's OK, right, because I have my mighty born and raised in Northern California stoner brain (the brain that automatically plays "Exodus" by Bob Marley in the background from the time I wake, till the time I...switch songs). Here is what I remember (and some stuff that I'll just make up)...

Elie, c'mon man...you didn't age well (and I'm a total arse-hole).

I do believe that it was in one of Hitch's book/article where he was going on and on about how selfish it is for a selfish adult to insist that a poor innocent (atheist) baby have the bacteria filled, so called holy water, sprinkled upon their crying heads to...sooth the adults around said baby. Just like the innocent atheist baby, the dead Jews have no choice in the matter. Even tho I cannot come up with a super specific example of this happening upon ones deathbed, I'm totally confident that many times thru-out history that a selfish individual has taken it upon themselves to have their dying homie sprinkled with the holy bacteria water (selfish I tell ya) to save them.

I ass-u-me that all the denominations that sprinkle the water do so because it is a prerequisite to get into that specific heaven that that specific belief offers. It's quite nobel for a homie, upon your death, while you are so weak you cannot say "no" or "yes", to insist a holy man, a man of the cloth, do the sprinkle upon your weak self...except that it is totally selfish for one to do so on ones weak and suffering behalf, no matter how nobel the intention.

I'd fuck Anne, she's kinda hot, right...right(?). It's a  compliment. Sheez.

I mentioned a while while back that I believe my genetic family to be so controlling and selfish, that upon my untimely and certainly early departure, that they would Shang-Hi my dead atheist body and have a religious ceremony in a different town from where my family of friends live, and have a religious ceremony comfortable in distance to THEIR lives and beliefs.

As I review the early demise of my Hero, Hitch, I cringe at the thought of religious types selfishly insisting in all the moments up to his not greatly exaggerated demise that he repent and/or have that holy man sprinkle that water upon his dying atheist head. I believe that the dying peep has precedence over all in this situation. Nobel or not (not) a living well intentioned person cannot selfishly impose their will upon the soon to be departed-well, unless one is full of religious conviction and self righteousness. If that is the case then all rational goes out the door and the will of the divine "clairvoyantly" supersedes any mere idea of a simpole human, dying or not.  Or as I say...selfish.

In Soviet Russia, baby baptize...you.

I don't even want to give the benefit of the doubt to the intentions of those selfish Mormons that posthumously enroll a new members to their "click". The person is dead, you do not know what they want, you did not ask them and you probably do not even care (you only care about what you and your religion wants). Just because a person is so selfish as to initiate , and succeed in doing so, a dead person into their ranks is not cause for celebration. I don't care that an individual doing this horrible, and not at all noble, deed has the best intentions: "but I wanted to save their soul," "they will live forever now, in heaven," "they will now be reunited with those they love and (our specific) God." I don't care...it's selfish I tell ya.

This is one of the many reasons why a dude like c'est moi becomes an atheist in the first place-the controlling. Isn't that one of the golden rules in every culture and every belief...don't fuck with the dead peeps. If it is not, then it should be.

If the worry or concern is the persons happiness in the afterlife, then we should baptize said person in all the religions of the whole world, right.  That way all the bases will be covered. Or we can go secular afterlife style and, here's a great idea everyone....not baptize any dead people.

It's just an idea, yo.

* Article Anne Frank

Erin, I Googled "baptize" and this came up. This one is fer you, buddy.

Leaving The Church Of Caturday Saints

What is that great sayin' we have...if ya want to convert someone, then let them read their "holy book." That's a sayin', right. Well, it looks like that is what the cool Mormon kids are doing (thanks Internetz). Depending on who you ask, there may or may not be a mass Exodus (I couldn't resist) of the young-ins from that old crusty Mormonism. It's true, I read it on the Internet.

So what could these cool kids possibly be reading that turns them away from the one true religion that they were raised in...history. Specifically the history of their religion. So I guess even tho one is raised in the Mormon religion they were unaware that their founder Joseph Smith, err, had hella wives and even going super perv and marrying a...14y/o (weirdo man, how can ya be attracted or stimulated by that. gross). On the Mighty Atheist Blogosphere we always examine how reading any one of the many many Christian bibles can turn one into an atheist, but whatabout those clean cut, bicycle riding Mormons. Sure, why not.

The authorities on Team Joseph Smith claim that there is a lot of "misinformation" out there and that those young-ins I mentioned earlier, are being deceived (thanks Interbutz). Yes, no, maybe...probably not. I think and hope that one only hasta look at the main beliefs of said religion to be able to reject it. Where does the faith come into play.

For Team Joseph Smith, which is also Team Potential President of the United States, one hasta believe and have faith in...this guy found these tablets, only he could decipher them, no one could see them, oh but wait, they freekin' broke, but oh well you just halfta believe me. OoooKkkaaaayyyyyy.

Team Jesus hasta believe that a 1/3 god, man, ghost was essentially sent by his self to...err, to die, and to die for everyone's sins-even if they have not been born yet-but don't trip it's all cool because 1/3 guy is a-coming back, twice, and the second time he comes back he's gonna take the very few people that practiced the correct version of "his" religion, when there are hella impostors out there, to heaven, while his dad-who is at the same time "him"-kills all the remaining people and da erffs. Who doesn't believe THAT.

I feel like I should give more time to Team Joseph Smith. He wanted to be a disgusting swinger, but his 1st first wife said, "fuck you, weirdo," so he divorced her. She also wanted to see these *miraculous* tablets, but dude wouldn't let her see them. What really, you're not gonna let your awesome lady that put's up with you shit see that really cool stuff you found (no respect for the ladies i tell ya). He also used to translated the tablets to her, but with a curtain separating them (she was forbidden from seeing these tablets, I tell ya). I believe that her insisting to see these tablets from god with her refusal to go all polygamy, lead to divorce. Just sayin'.

Sooooo, droves of Mormon youth are leaving the fold. Gee, I can't imagine why.

What this picture again...where did that come from.

Christians v. Mormons And Why I'm Scared

We're not Mormons, we just dress like this.

 My imaginary friend is better than your imaginary sky daddy, well that is what the people at the Value Voters Summit want ya to think. Mitt Romney, not to be confused with his evil twin, Ritt Momney, one of the Mormons running fer Prez, spoke at the uber religious conference, ya know because anyone running must court the religious vote.

In this election cycle the topic, are Mormons Christian (and do they worship the same God), has come up many times. Fo sho the average American voter will not vote for Team Atheist and when Kennedy ran back in the day it was questioned "Will America vote for a Catholic", Jimmy "Peanut" Carter was the first born again and now...will American vote for a Mormon is the "haps". Like I have said many times...religion is the most important topic ever ever, esp. in this upcoming election cycle.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty of the Values Voters Summit. The Rom-Man spoke and said a bunch of general stuffs that religious voters like-n-stuff. The controversy is that the next speaker after the Rom-Man was the Christian hater and super elitist j-ass, Bryan Fisher. This Fisher guy is a gem. Check it out...

Of course he is all hate-y on the GLBT community, wants the women folk to be subservient to the men folk and get this, he thinks that Rom-Mans religion is a cult. He believes that Muslims and Christians do not worship the same God and that there has not been a terrorist attack in the United States because at Major League Baseball games God Bless America is sung during the 7th inning stretch. Oh yea, and he's one of the dudes that fears that Sharia law is creeping into the American justice system. Crazy much.

This is what the Rom-Man said before his Christian, super elitist, counterpart took the stage.

"Our values ennoble the citizen and strengthen the nation. We should remember that decency and civility are values, too," Romney said. "One of the speakers who will follow me today has crossed that line, I think. Poisonous language doesn't advance our cause. It's never softened a single heart nor changed a single mind (Huff Po)."

One of the million gazillion reasons Team Atheist becomes, err, Team Atheist is the hypocrisy of religion. Sheez, unfair much, cross the line much, call the kettle black much, err, religious much: "decency" and "civility", really-WTF. I have one word for the Rom-Man...What the hell about Prop 8. Yes, the hugely Mormon funded hateful proposition that totally discriminates against the GLBT community (yes, that's one word). Another reason why Team Atheist becomes Team Atheist....

At thingies like the Values Voters Summit there is always much talk about "taking back American" and who is patriotic-n-stuff. The Rom-Man committed the logical fallacy (I forget what it's actually called) of sayin' something to the extent...if you vote for me, you will have a patriotic president in the white house. Agh...OK. So I guess President Obama is not patriotic. He just needed a job and applied for that one. Just because you don't agree with him doesn't mean he's not patriotic.

Another reason why the Team, becomes the Team, is the hijacking of words and their meanings (besides the hypocrisy-n-stuff). Only Christians can be true Americans, only believers can be patriotic and only conservatives love American. Obviously that is not true and Joe and Jane average skeptic/atheist can see thru that crap. What scares me is the mindless voters that will vote on the side of their religion, the voters that do not know the issues and how government works and the voters that tow the party line. Values Voters Summit caters to such a crowd.

May the Flying Spaghetti Monster have mercy on their nonexistent souls.

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* Mitt's Mormonism from the super awesome Slate.

* For those "keeping score", the score is not good. I'm totally losing right now.

* I'm really scattered brain-ed right now. I'm not sure that this post even makes sense (or if I make sense in general), but I'm sticking to "just publish it and do better next time." That's what atheist blogging is all about.

* Fuck you.

The Updated Updated Warren Jeffs Trial

Wow and I do mean wow. This trial just gets better and better and by better I mean *better*.

"I, the Lord God of heaven, ask the courts to cease the prosecution of my holy ways," Jeffs said. "There will be a judgment against all those who prosecute the church. ... I shall let all people know of your unjust ways. I will bring sickness and death. Let this cease."   


And you know what...it worked. The judge let him go and said he's not a child fucker dude...NOT! 

If you are God, then how come you couldn't design a better dress.

"A Texas judge warned Warren Jeffs against calling "for the jury's destruction" shortly after the polygamous sect leader said Friday during his sexual assault trial that those who prosecuted his church would face "sickness and death."

Wow, I can't wait for what will happen tomorrow. It can't get any crazier...can it.

* CNN BB article

* I don't know what is up with the font changing every paragraph. Oh I know...it's called bullshit.

Warren Jeffs Update

Hey look at my attractive Mormon ladies uniform.

OK, prepare to be grossed out I'm going to update on the Warren Jeffs trial. I wrote about this quite some time ago and actually, I thought it had been resolved. Not even close.

Warren Jeffs is accused of young girl fucking and young girl impregnating. He is the leader of a splinter cell of those crazy Mormons (LDS) which claim to have 10,000 members world wide and assets of a measly $110 million. Recently Jeffs fired his team of powerful attorney's.

"You have assembled one of the most impressive legal teams this court has ever seen and perhaps ever seen in the state of Texas," the judge said. She later added, "I urge you not to follow this course of action (link)."

Ya know, I've always liked something about this pic. 

So when it came time to address the court after lawyers presented DNA evidence linking him to "celestial marriage" and threatening to play a tape of him having sex with an underage bride...he was silent.

OK dude, good luck with that strategy.

* My book review of When Men Become Gods.