Don't Baptize Me When I Die...Or I'll Haunt You

I guess this could be "what's the harm" thingies, but really peeps...it's the principle. Those crazy, and I do mean crazy, Mormons are at it again baptizing the deceased of other denominations. Recently they got caught baptizing dead Jews, specifically the parents of Holocaust survivor, Simon Wiesenthal (then after, they apologized because it is so stupid wrong). Well, guess who is Mormon now, even tho she is dead...yea, how'd ya guess...Anne "Freekin" Frank, yes, that Anne Frank.

"Plug your dam nose kid and shut the fuck up already."

Researcher Helen Radkey, who also busted the Mormon church for those other super freekish baptisms, also revealed this one. She said that Anne's name was in the records of the Santo Domingo Temple in the Dominican Republic around Feb 18th-ish. Who cares about that shit...why. Why the fuck would someone do this?

There is a great article on Slate that addresses this, but of course I can't (not willing) find it. That's OK, right, because I have my mighty born and raised in Northern California stoner brain (the brain that automatically plays "Exodus" by Bob Marley in the background from the time I wake, till the time I...switch songs). Here is what I remember (and some stuff that I'll just make up)...

Elie, c'mon man...you didn't age well (and I'm a total arse-hole).

I do believe that it was in one of Hitch's book/article where he was going on and on about how selfish it is for a selfish adult to insist that a poor innocent (atheist) baby have the bacteria filled, so called holy water, sprinkled upon their crying heads to...sooth the adults around said baby. Just like the innocent atheist baby, the dead Jews have no choice in the matter. Even tho I cannot come up with a super specific example of this happening upon ones deathbed, I'm totally confident that many times thru-out history that a selfish individual has taken it upon themselves to have their dying homie sprinkled with the holy bacteria water (selfish I tell ya) to save them.

I ass-u-me that all the denominations that sprinkle the water do so because it is a prerequisite to get into that specific heaven that that specific belief offers. It's quite nobel for a homie, upon your death, while you are so weak you cannot say "no" or "yes", to insist a holy man, a man of the cloth, do the sprinkle upon your weak self...except that it is totally selfish for one to do so on ones weak and suffering behalf, no matter how nobel the intention.

I'd fuck Anne, she's kinda hot, right...right(?). It's a  compliment. Sheez.

I mentioned a while while back that I believe my genetic family to be so controlling and selfish, that upon my untimely and certainly early departure, that they would Shang-Hi my dead atheist body and have a religious ceremony in a different town from where my family of friends live, and have a religious ceremony comfortable in distance to THEIR lives and beliefs.

As I review the early demise of my Hero, Hitch, I cringe at the thought of religious types selfishly insisting in all the moments up to his not greatly exaggerated demise that he repent and/or have that holy man sprinkle that water upon his dying atheist head. I believe that the dying peep has precedence over all in this situation. Nobel or not (not) a living well intentioned person cannot selfishly impose their will upon the soon to be departed-well, unless one is full of religious conviction and self righteousness. If that is the case then all rational goes out the door and the will of the divine "clairvoyantly" supersedes any mere idea of a simpole human, dying or not.  Or as I say...selfish.

In Soviet Russia, baby baptize...you.

I don't even want to give the benefit of the doubt to the intentions of those selfish Mormons that posthumously enroll a new members to their "click". The person is dead, you do not know what they want, you did not ask them and you probably do not even care (you only care about what you and your religion wants). Just because a person is so selfish as to initiate , and succeed in doing so, a dead person into their ranks is not cause for celebration. I don't care that an individual doing this horrible, and not at all noble, deed has the best intentions: "but I wanted to save their soul," "they will live forever now, in heaven," "they will now be reunited with those they love and (our specific) God." I don't care...it's selfish I tell ya.

This is one of the many reasons why a dude like c'est moi becomes an atheist in the first place-the controlling. Isn't that one of the golden rules in every culture and every belief...don't fuck with the dead peeps. If it is not, then it should be.

If the worry or concern is the persons happiness in the afterlife, then we should baptize said person in all the religions of the whole world, right.  That way all the bases will be covered. Or we can go secular afterlife style and, here's a great idea everyone....not baptize any dead people.

It's just an idea, yo.

* Article Anne Frank

Erin, I Googled "baptize" and this came up. This one is fer you, buddy.