Tiny Asian Rice Dick...There I Said It

One of my favorite newspapers is the San Francisco Chronicle and pretty much everyday I read an article by sportswriter Gwen Knapp. I've never been really impressed, or disappointed for that matter, by her articles...until now. Gwen, baby, thank you so much for "Reaction to Lin's success shows underlying racism." Thank you, buddy. Thank you.

Jeremy looks like he's been chillin' with Harold and Kumar. Oh wait, we all look like that.

I think it was about a week ago that another sports writer (or sports figure or something) tweeted something about The Lin-Sation's tiny rice dick. Of course he didn't say that, but he might as well have (1). (2). Minorities of all kinds have suffered this kinda prejudice: black dudes can't swim, but they can dance and sing, women basketball players are referred to as horses (stupid I tell ya), Mexicans are lazy, Islamic peeps are all terrorists and my least favorite one...The Asian male is asexual. WTF. In today's SF Chron article, my new favorite writer, Gwen, addresses just that.

In the article she talks about how years ago she covered Yao Ming (imagine how big his package is...he's over 7ft. Dammmmm) and said something to the extent that he's sexy. The mainstream idiots lambasted her (I've never used that word before), while every Asian bro-dude in the world applauded her.

The ladies are all thinking, "Dam, I don't want that dude in me. Fuck that, noise. Keep running."

Here in super awesome Nor-Cal, and everywhere else I guess, the Asian population is getting bigger and bigger and yet representations of Asians are pretty much nonexistent. That is why  dudes like me and my brother say things like "yea, that dude in Black Eye Peas is half Filipino," or "Isn't that one comedian half Asian." We have no celebrity representations for us. We have no one to admire and cheer for...that is why Jeremy Lin is so awesome. An Asian dude in a mostly black and white sport...c'mon now, that is made of baddass.

That is why when Gwen says something like Yao Ming can become a teen heart throb, or that Jeremy Lin has the potential to be a starting point guard in the NBA is so important. It's about breaking down silly stupid head beliefs. The Asian male on TV and film is the Long Duck Dong broken english speaking exchange student or the business man or the computer nerd, never the sex symbol.

What I get to star in a film, I get the white girl and you're not gonna kill me. Sign me up, bro.

Back in the day there was this guy, Sessue Hayakawa, that stared in mainstream Hollywood films. He had the starring role and you know what, he got the white girl (yahhhhh, you go boooyyyyy). Unfortunately, that was in the 1920's-n-shit. The only mainstream Asian actors in big budget Hollywood movies nowadays are martial artists. While that is step up from the castrated and powerless Asian male, it is still a box that does not fit all Asian males.

Thank you Gwen for your great article...and just so ya know...I'm a hot piece of brown Asian hunk meat. Just sayin'.

My favorite.

(1) The particular super lame idiot that said that about the Tawainese Tebow also implied that sexual encounters for women include pain. Did anyone catch that. Feel sorry for his wife, girlfriend, sisters, aunts, daughters and nieces. Fuckin' pig.

(2) I'm a jock as well as a dirty stinky hippie. If I have said it once I have said it a million times...I have showered with big groups of muscular men, teams of men, after practice or in the gym  or dojo more times than I can count. We all check out eachother don't let anyone tell you different.  The truth about the size of a dude is this. The taller someone is, the bigger their package. Someone the size of Jeremy Lin (6.3) has a dick "x" long. That is all.

* Super good documentary about this topic called The Slanted Screen.

Update: Oops, I forgot to link up to Gwen's awesome article. Hey Gwen...I'm Kriss, hello.