I Found Jesus, He's In Japan

This is too awesome. Jesus is buried in Japan. Really. Shingo Aomori Prefecture, home of aprox 3,000, is where Jesus is buried. Ya know how I asked the other day what about those missing years of dudes life in the bible-n-shit. Well, this video claims that those missing teenage years he was studying in Japan and then went back home...you know, to be Jesus Christ.

The missing part of the puzzle, the part that the authorities don't want us to know is that...mmm, let's see how should I say this (I'll just say it): Jesus was not crucified   he went back to Japan   his lil' brother got crucified instead   he settled in the mountains in Japan   became a rice farmer   did not do miracles, but it was agreed that he was generally a very pleasant person to be around   and he lived to be 106   had wife and three kids   oh yea   his brothers ears and a lock of his moms hair are also buried there   that is all.

There is this Wiki page and it has hella links. I have never heard of this until moments ago. This is so epic.

F*ck You, Crapmass.....

The erffs is 6-10,000 years old. So sayith'..The Bible.

Lol cats rulezzzzzzz. nom nom nom.

 OK, I'll make it quick.  Jesus was not born in December...dude was born in the spring. The bible says shepherds were chillin' about when JC was born, well, no shepherds in ancient Palestine 'hung out' in their fields during the cold arse winter (they would, however, chill in the Spring.).

The previous holiday, Saturnalia, was hijacked to attract those Nu Christians, err, Pagans to this new festival and religion called Christianity.

The use of the xmas tree is also stolen from those Pagans.

 The early Christian church didn't even celebrate Jesus' birthday until 440A.D.. Once again, church leaders tried to latch onto previous festivals and beliefs, like Winter Solstice on Dec 25th-n-shit like that.

OK, now I believe...in beer.

 If you want to goober out on sum-mo' info, this is a pretty good article (or you can just blindly believe me).

* Is baby Jesus in the pic above a miller Genuine Draft. Come on people have some respect for the Lord. At least Sierra Nevada Winter Fest or sumthin'. Sheez.....

Santa IS Satan

This one is so crazy that it deserves all quotes to speak for itself.

"When we carefully compare the myth of Santa Claus versus the real Biblical story of Jesus Christ, we are presented with the shocking truth that Santa has been thoroughly created to replace Jesus Christ in too many people's lives."

"Santa equals Satan. Santa. As in Santa Claus."

JESUS CHRIST: OUR LORD AND SAVIOR ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE	SANTA CLAUS: THE COUNTERFEIT ACCORDING TO MYTH OF MEN
1. Has white hair like wool (Rev 1:14)	1. Has white hair like wool
2. Has a beard (Isaiah 50:6)	2. Has a beard
3. Comes in red apparel Isaiah (63:1-2)	3. Comes in red apparel
4. Hour of His coming is a mystery(Luke 12:40; Mark 13:33)	4. Hour of his coming is a mystery
5. Comes from the North where He lives (Ezekiel 1:4; Psalm 48:2)	5. Comes from the North where he lives: North Pole
6. Is a carpenter (Mark 6:3)	6. Is a toy carpenter
7. Comes as a thief in the night(Matthew 24:43-44)	7. Comes as a thief in the night. Even gains entrance to homes as a thief.
8. Omnipotent -- all powerful (Rev 19:6)	8. Omnipotent -- can deliver all the toys of the world in one night
9. Omniscient -- knows all (Hebrews 4:13; 1 John 3:20)	9. Omniscient -- knows if you have been good or bad, for the entire year
10. Omnipresent (Psalm 139:7-10; Ephesians 4:6; John 3:13)	10. Omnipresent -- sees when you wake or sleep. Has to be everywhere at once to be able to deliver all the toys in one short night.
11. Ageless, eternal (Rev 1:8; 21:6)	11. Lives forever
12. Lives in men (1 Cor 3:16; 2 Cor 6:16-17)	12. Lives in the hearts of children
13. Giver of Gifts (Ephesians 4:8)	13. Giver of Gifts
14. Absolute Truth (John 14:6)	14. Absolute Fable - (1 Tim 1:4; 4:7;2 Tim 4:4)
15. Sits on a throne (Rev 5:1; Heb 1:8)	15. Sits on a throne
16. We are told to boldly go to the throne of Grace for our needs (Heb 4:16)	16. Children are bidden to approach his throne to ask for anything they want
17. Commands children to obey parents	17. Tells children to obey parents
18. Wants little children to come to Him (Mark 10:14)	18. Bids children to come unto him
19. Judges (Rom 14:10; Rev 20:2)	19. Judges whether you were good or bad
20. Everlasting Father (Isa 9:6; Heb 12:2)	20. Father Christmas
21. Christ Child (Matt 1:23; Luke 2:11-12)	21. Kris Kringle (means christ child)
22. Worthy of Prayers and Worship (Rev 5:14 Hebrews 1:6)	22. Prayers and worship to "St. Nick" by children
23. Lord of Hosts (Mal 3:5; Isa 8:13; Psalms 24:10)	23. Lord over a host of elves - (In Druidic religion, elves are demons or tree spirits
24. God says, "Ho, ho ... (Zechariah 2:6)	24. Santa says, "Ho, ho, ho ..."
25. Prince of Peace, the Image of God (Isa 9:6;Hebrews 1:3)	25. Symbol of World Peace, the image of the Christmas Season

"Clearly, you can see that someone deliberately created a Secular counterfeit to Jesus Christ, matching the many attributes of Jesus Christ with Santa Claus! There are too many direct matches for this creation of Santa Claus to have been an accident. We are told in Job 1:6-7 that Satan walks up and down on the Earth, as if it were a small garden plot completely under his domination. Satan can be thought of as a Master Marionette, pulling the strings on Earth. Certainly, in these Last Days, Satan would have wanted someone else to draw the attention, admiration, and love of the children away from Jesus Christ. But, not only that, Satan would have wanted to infect children early with that most devastating of spiritual diseases, the love of material things, and the love of oneself that goes with trying to get as many presents as possible! The creation and promotion of Santa Claus certainly fulfills all these goals."

The site is more of the same nonsense (and I'm the one on Prozac).

The Most Awesome Thing You Will See Today

Be prepared for the most awesome thing you will see today. I wanna say it's pareidolia, but technically, it is not.  Kind gentle and very good looking readers I present to you...The Jesus toaster. Yes, the Jesus toaster. that is two things...in one. Jesus. Toaster. Put them together and you have...The Jesus toaster.

Burnt Impressions is the idea of an absolute genius; genius I tell you. Galen Dively already had his successful ( a couple of hundred, total) toaster business that sold toasters that could burn a peace sign or pot leaf onto you bread product; but when he busted out with the Divenly inspired Jesus toast, sales really took off (100 a day).

Sales have been so good Dively has branched out with an Obama toaster, dog paw and, of course, The Virgin Marry toaster. But of course sales are so good, check out this epic advertising...

"Normal toasters are tame and subdued by unfortunate limitations; but great toasters rise above them and become Burnt Impression toasters."

Before this endeavor, Dively sold tye-dye tee-shirts. Go figure.

* Article

* Beyond ordinary toast. Buy here.

Jesus, Stop Dressing The Hot Grrls

Jesus, do I look holy in this shirt...baby.

Oh nozzzzzz, it's worse than what I reported yesterday. Jesus wants hot grrls that subscribe to the Beauty Myth, err, that shop at Forever 21. Yesterday's topic was sexism being promoted at the Beauty Myth store, but wouldn't ya know it, they want your (nonexistent) soul also.

When I get back from church...I'm a gonna make you a sandwich.

So I'm a dude and I have never laid foot inside a Forever 21 store, and I don't even know where I would find one. But after reading this article (thanks N.A. for the heads up) to quote Morissey, "I was shocked and ashamed to discover," that F-21 is all Jesus-y. It's true. Apparently they have magnificent crosses for sale decorated with rhinestones and Bedazzled (what ever that is) disguised as jewelry. Click this link to see more of the God shirts, I only pictured a couple of them. If the in your face Christianity were not enuff, then howz about putting John 3:16 on the bottom of the bags (very sneaky you proselytizing believers, you).

So we can ad Forever 21 to the list of Christian-y business' that are dookie because they shove their religion in the face of innocent consumers (and it is usually the case that the business owners support and donate hella money to stop those gays from marrying-n-stuffs). So don't eat at Chick-Fil-A, or shop at American Apparel, eat pizza at that dudes place that is running for president and now...don't shop at Forever 21, unless you want the Lord dressing you (wow, that sounds so creepy).

* Very appropriately named WTForever 21. More pictures of hot grrls in Jesus clothes.

* Secret Culty Christians on Jezebel 

* John 3:16

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.