Newt's Lying Eyes

You know how when we were self righteous believers and we would call out people by sayin' "Don't judge. that is only for god." Remember that...well, I'm not a believer anymore.

The tale of The Newt is just getting better and better and by better and better I mean worse and worse. Really, this common gigolo could potentially be the next president of the United States. I must be dreaming. The latest escapade of Mr. Free Love himself, The Newt Baby, involves...well, free love. The Newt's entertainment value is rising because his private life is looking like erotica. Is it his millionth wife that recently said that The Newt wanted that open relationship the more liberal and secular world is OK with. Yea I think so.

The thingy about it is is that The Newt is not liberal or secular. Recently he said that secularism is one of the reasons why America is not the superpower it used to be (he didn't say that, but he meant it). Of course he is a Family Values guy. Everyone is talking about his Clinton years and that fine. Unfortunately for The Newt all his media coverage makes him look like a hypocrite.

Look man, a candidates person life and religion do not matter when they are running for office...except for when they do matter. The Newt has been married three times, but his lesbian sister, who wants to get married, cannot even get one.

"It's not my place to judge anyone, but it frustrating as hell that there are people-my brother included-that are able to enjoy marriage equality more than once," The Newt's lesbian sister.

I'll judge. First of all Callista, if that is her real name, in NOT all that and second and most important...You're a hypocrite. Dam bro, why you do your sis' like that. 


* The New Yorker.


Update: Walker Texas Ranger (that's his name, right) talked to God and told him (Chuck Norris fact #1099238450912834098 Chuck Norris tells god what's up, no the other way around) that he is endorsing The Newt. Secondly...Callista is still not that hot. Baby, there is something called pigment, hello. I'm mean i like white girls, but sheez girl, you iz so white you are transparent. that's really white.

"Hello, Callista. Yea this is Michele...you have crazy beautiful eyez. Call me. My closet gay husband is shopping for sunglasses for the dog, again...with his personal assistant from the Philippines...Poppie. Thanks."