Gawd's Party Haz No Kegs

Remember the show Family Ties...I do.

Really, I long for the days when republicans were just normal people that I disagreed with because they only wanted small government and less taxes, and that was that. I dunno when it happened (I think it started in the 70's with Peanut, but it exploded in the 80's with The Gipper) but the republican right has become the party of sayin' "no", anti-awesome clean preppy and good looking homos, war on women folk, pro American colonialism, pro American elitism, and of course pro-surveillance camera in the sky (Gawd). We are far far away from the Young Republicans of the 80's (my best friend at the time was one of those, and so was Michael J. Fox's character on Family Ties). So WTF.

Oh, Mal...

If you thought that God was apolitical, then you probably also thought that God didn't watch football (he hearts the Denver Broncos), and you are wrong on both counts. If you thought that here in the awesome United States of American, that one need not be religious to run for freekin' president, then you are wrong again (just look at the overly religious GOP'rs right now).

The battle to be the one to lose to the super awesome Black Prez in the up coming election is ALLLLLLL about controlling religion (as opposed to the non-controlling, liberal, not literal religion that's OK by me). My loving LGBT friends cannot get married because they, somehow, destroy hetero marriage (but hetero divorce is never talked about) and what is it with old, white, religious dudes that wanna decided what and how women do with their bodies (abortion, health care, contraception). It's really weird.

My best friend in HS was a young republican, but he didnt look like Mallory. He's a dude.

The GOP'rs in the last year or so really really like singing pledges. Remember the Promise Keepers (I call them the Promise rapers) from last decade that promised to submit their women because God said so, and also control their families with an iron hand and called it taking back the family...they signed pledges. Currently there are republican pledges, that one MUST sign to show team loyalty, that not only *promise* no tax increases, but also promise/threaten no porn, no sex outside of marriage, no abortion and no contraception. So much for diversity within the republican right, right. If you don't sign the ridiculous, inhibiting and controlling pledge, then no soup and no party support for you-loser.

Choosing God's side has created the ultimate in polarization, so much so that political compromise is something that happened in the past (and that is a shame) and it doesn't look like it will happen in the near or any future (shame again). Choosing God's party has somehow turned off peoples brains and their ability to think critically. Many on the republican right believe that the super awesome Black Prez is a Mooslem and that because he doesn't subscribe to the elitist ideal of American Exceptionalism...he's not patriotic (c'mon now. If dude doesn't love American, then why does/did he make all the sacrifices to become the President. Really now). It's not lack of thinking..it's no thinking (aka stupidhead).

OM(nonexistent)G, she has the mischievous "I just did something wrong" look...forgive me, I'm cute.

 I'm no history buff, but was not this great country (and I do believe that this is STILL a great country) established from the ashes of a religious revolution. Did not the founders fight and successfully escape from religious tyranny of the Mother Land for the sake of freedom, including religious freedom (yes). What is the difference between our so called enemy of Islam, with their super controlling oppression, and their American counterparts that attempt to do the same thing through legislation, ingloriously called the...American Taliban. Nothing.

How is it that very smart and very good critics here in American can point the finger at other cultures and beliefs, but they refuse to do so upon themselves. Say it isn't so. The Pamela Geller's of the world cry out for justice and freedom from (specific) religious oppression, but their fingers are made of black kettles, rubber-glue and hypocrisy.

I wonder what she looks like right now. I wonder if she's...OK. I'm worried.

Lastly, what is at stake is not just the up coming election or how the republican right (and by default all of America) is perceived throughout the world. It is the world, or if you are an LOL Cat, da erffs. There are many parts to Gawd's party: American Exceptionalism, dominionism, the battle for secular society, err I mean religious liberty, the war to control women's bodies, my awesome LGBT friends and equality and don't ferget...the world economy. But because splinter cells of the Jesus cult, cells that are rampant, infiltrating and operating in all levels of government and private sectors, believe in the End of Times (1), then the entire world as we know it is in jeopardy.

Gawd's party haz no kegs and no life. Say it isn't so.

(1) American Exceptionalism, dominionism and the spreading of a literal interpretation of the bible by uber evangelicals includes the scenario of the End of Times. America supports Israel because in order for Jesus to come back (that is the only way), the chosen people MUST establish their homeland. When that happens, according to prophecy, Jesus will come back to da erffs, take back aprox. 80,000 of the lucky ones that DID choose the correct splinter cell of Christianity (outta so many), they will literally rise into the air (ascension) and go to a place called heaven thus leaving everyone else on da erffs to suffer an incredible suffering for all of eternity-that means forever.

(1) I'll just say it here right now...all the dudes wanted his TV show sister...Mallory. Hellloooo.

As a teenager, I also thought the mom was hot. The blond fat chick, nooooooo. I'm a jerk, so what.

Not Tonight My Love, Please Not Tonight

This is not the child, just random cuteness.

I was gonna write about the Chinese toddler that got run over, twice, and then 18 people walked by and no one did anything to help as she lay there bleeding to death (WTF people, makes me wanna punch and punch. Aaaaaaaa...), but that is to downerville...so I'm going to write about the end of the world, again.

In case ya missed it last May, The Rapture is back today and unfortunately for me, it's payday (why couldn't the world end tomorrow, when I don't have any money?). So that sucks. Harold "The Failed Prophet" Camping is going all failed prophet again and for the third time (90's, last May and right now) has predicted the...end. Fin. Fineto (is that a word). Stick a fork in it. That really large lady is singing. The curtain has been drawn and maybe...pigs are flying. It's over folks...or not.

I don't wanna go into how stupidhead (is stupidhead one word or two?) 90 y/o Camping is. What I wanna do is point out the gobbely-goop reasoning of the believers mind. So the end did not happen in the 90's and it did not happen last May, and yet, people still believe in dude. So WTF. Why?

Fred Store, 66, led the caravan of RV's going cross country last May to tell the "awesome news (that we are all gonna die)" to the country. But is he mad that 'it' didn't happen. No, he said, ", “We were caught by surprise. ... But we realize now that it’s very possible that we misunderstood some of the things we thought were true..."


I'll say ya "misunderstood." Family Radio, the ridiculous Christian radio station that airs Camping radio program (oh remind me to write about all those Asian people that thought The Rapture was gonna happen and then their government killed hella them, seriously), made this official statement...


“What really happened is that God accomplished exactly what he wanted to happen. That was to warn the whole world that on May 21 God’s salvation program would be finished. ... For the next five months, except for the elect (the true believers), the whole world is under God’s final judgment,” 


Well, if you were just trying to warn the world, then why didja scare everyone and promote it like, gee I dunno, like everyone was gonna die. But the deception and the "misunderstanding" are not enuff, we also need to redefine words...like erff-quakes.

“We always look at the word ‘earthquake’ to mean the earth, or ground, is quaking or shaking violently. However, in the Bible the word ‘earth’ can include people as well as ground. ... Therefore we have learned from our experience of last May 21 what actually happened. All of mankind was shaken with fear. Indeed the Earth (or mankind) did quake in a way it had never before been shaken.”

Oh, you mean that definition of earthquake and not the definition that the rest of the world uses. Totally must be our bad, rightThis next guy, Paul Anatiychuk, is an example of de-evolution. I mean really, Paul, even coo coo birds think you are wacky. Poor Paul felt really bad that he was going to go to heaven but the rest of his family was going to burn and suffer, which is actually very nice. He didn't get mad that Camping's second Rapture didn't happen, no he's positive. Paul thinks it's a blessing that last May's Rapture didn't happen. Why, because this time around, the third time, Camping said the "end" will not be violent and your loved ones will not suffer. This is gonna be the Gentle Rapture. This is a relief to Paul, but he also admits...they are still gonna die (crazy much).


Lorenzo DiTommaso, Prof. of Religion, said...


"Camping could have admitted he was wrong. He could have said the calculations were off and needed further analysis. Or he could have spiritualized the apocalypse, which is exactly what he did."


The first one, hell, I've never seen or heard of that one happening. Why would failed prophets admit that they are wrong. I think he pulled the "wrong calculations" move the first and second time and I have seen that one before. With things like this it is always, we didn't pray hard enuff, we need to read the scripture closer (why didn't you do that the first time) and the bad 'ol...our numbers were wrong. The last one, I really like this one. Bad 'ol it did happen, but not the way we thought it would happen. People are already saying this one for the Mayan 2012 End of Times. The "It's gonna be spiritual" card is already being shown on that one. 


I dunno know (and actually I do know), I'm Asian and by default, I'm a numbers guy. What do the statistics tell us. Will it happen or not. What I do know is that I'm going to my friends birthday party tonight, it's payday, and I have total confidence that I will be a tremendous, black belt drinker tonight (and I might be down for some drung usage-it's been a while) and if this shit does go down before I can have me some fun...I'm going to be pissed.


* Chinese toddler gets run over and no one help. USA Today.

* Insane article on total genocide that happend because these innocent Asian people listened to Camping raido show...and they died for that. So frackin' sad and bad.

Is "Restudied" Even A Word

I was gonna take that unannounced break that I always take (when it happens), but I can't pass this one up (I'll make it short and sweet just like me, seemingly 4 of 7 days). The failed, and I mean all capitals failed (F.A.I.L.E.D.) prophet, or as the cool kids say profit, Harold Camping now says that the end is deff coming at the end of October.

The super old and straight up dumb Camping "restudied" his calculations and said that this end of times will be nice and quiet, and fo sho it WILL be happening this time. Fer real. In fact he wants everyone to know, ya know, because you have kids and loved ones and all, that "...there will probably be no pain by anyone because of their rebellion against God," which is a relief to an out atheist like me. He continues...


 "This is very comforting to all of us because we all have children, we all have loved ones that are dear to us that we know are not saved and yet we know that they'll quietly die."


OoooKkkkaaayyy. Crazy much. "REstudied", is that a word. I'm not even gonna look that up. Let's recall that he got the original doomsday prediction by using "the word of God", or as Team Atheist always says, "cherry picked particular passages from the bible", and the skeptics favorite, numerology to come up with May 21st, 2011. "Restudied", really, that just doesn't look right to me.


Any who, if you prayed for his recovery, which is what God wants-because Camping told us that is what God wants, then the true believers will "quietly receive the new heaven and the new earth..." (in their butts, I couldn't resist). Once again God is the door man to the exclusive club and to get in there, because supposedly that is where all the cool kids are, you have to be devoted to the true God and the true Christianity (outta a million gazillion different ones that all say they are the true).


On his Facebook page (yes, he has Facebook) he is being called out by, guess who...true believers. they are saying that HE is the false profit. And I went a long way for this, but this is the point that I was gonna make short and sweet...If some believers can dismiss Camping as false, then why can't they turn the same critical eye on themselves. I'm sure that whatever reasoning they used to debunk Camping, they could use the same template for their own beliefs. 


...OK, I'll tell ya why. It's not that they can or cannot do that particular task. I'm confident that most believers do have the ability to turn the critical eye on their own beliefs. I just don't think that they are willing to do that. That is the difference, "can" ya do something, or are you "willing" to do something. 


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* I have a new motto. "One day at a time." I'm gonna beat this....really. Awesome


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The Profits of the Prophets

Fear not heathens, just because Harold Campings prediction of the end of times did not come true doesn't mean that many people are still pilfering  from the fear that the Great Surveillance Camera in the Sky will send his son to pick up a very small portion of the population...and then kill everyone else. For example...

RaptureReady.com is a go to sight for everything rapture. Totally an amazing amount of articles. Check it out.

There is a book called "Profit Guide to the End of Times." Or howz about a radio show, esp. since Camaping no longer has his, "The Watchman Radio Hour." Speaking of books there is the old standard Tim LaHaye and his 16 judgement day books and the best seller "Left Behind" which has sold a whopping 63 million. If that is not your boat then how about some end of times erotica. Really. "Apocalypse Sex: Love at the End of the World" where the characters stare down the end by...having great sex.

OM(nonexistent)Gawd what about my data. Data storage company You've Been Left Behind takes care of that stuff and even alerts your family, that is unless they were chosen. If you are not sure then you can consult Rapture Ready Consulting.

And let's not forget the best idea ever ever. From a fellow Team Atheist member there is Eternal Earth Bound Pets. But remember this...there are no refunds.

So awesome buddies.

* Article SF Chron