The Earthly Father

Even Atheist Cat knows Jesus wasn't born in the Winter.

First of all thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes-n-shit and thanks for coming over and forcing me to drink that much. Yesterday I got outta bed twice, one to puke and once to take a shit (and just so you know...it was fantastic). I'm still outta shape right now, but that doesn't means I'm gonna skip the last installment of War On Christmas.

Jesus wasn't born on the 25th. Even conservative scholars worth their salt can admit the "authorities" back in the day hijacked the date of the 25th in an attempt to get those dirty skinky pagans over on Team Christians. That's not what I wanna talk about. What about Jesus' baby daddy, Joe.

Where is Joseph on the Christmas cards and nativity scenes. In the back or no where all all I tell ya. If fact how old is Joseph. He is barely in the bible, he has no dialogue in any of the gospels so WTF. Some peeps believe that he was young-ish, others believe that he is older and even a widower with previous chillin' the brothers and sisters of Jesus.

Joseph was actually a cool guy. After all, his old lady got knocked up by God and he still raised baby Jesus for like 13 years, right. And you know what all you angry atheists...that is a very nice thingy. He raised a child not biologically his and he still was very devout to God. I dunno, am I getting soft in my still hungover state. Gee, I really do think that nice.

I will point out tho...what about Jesus' teenage years. Are we to believe that the most important person in the world has no 'record' from (is it) 13-32-ish. This where conspiracy peeps will tell you that he went to India and studied Buddhism, and you know what, kind gentle and very good looking readers...I don't care.

Some questions tho. Where was Joseph during the crucifixion? Would not a father go to that. What about when dude was performing magic, errr, miracles, walking on water-n-shit like that. Dads are into that stuff. They go to little league games, pop warner, plays & band recitals. If I was Jesus' dad I would have been in the stands screaming "Yea, buddy, that's MY boy. Go "J". Go "J"" as he preformed various miracles...embarrassed the way that children get embarrassed when their parents do that.

Any who...Joseph seems like a cool dude. Obviously he must have died before Jesus died and he left Mary with some money, because she didn't get remarried which was the custom of the time. But just like the gaps in the life of Jesus (really where was he 13-32), we should consider the gaps in knowledge of the earthly father, Joseph.

Have a great loving, secular and godless day, everyone.

* I'm gonna puke right now, so no editing. Gross.