For Christianity Too Be True...

This was on one of my Tweeps Twit Pics earlier and it nails the head with that metaphorical hammer all the cool kids keep talking about. J.L. at Debunking Christianity had a "For Christianity to be true..." series a little while ago and it was natural and spectacular (perhaps I will copy that-it's a good idea).

So Jesus created something from nothing, really. There was nothing, then there was something. Jesus, who is also God can totally defy the second law of thermodynamics, which is not just miraculous...it IS a miracle (if it really did happen like that-not). Forget the order of creation doesn't makes sense (plants before sun) cause Jesus-God doesn't make sense either.

"It's her fault Lord God, err, I mean Jesus"

First a bro-dude was created, mmm, I think one of the versions says, from dust. Then Jesus-God created the super hotties from said dudes rib. From that very small gene pool (allegedly) came all human genetic diversity, with all the mutations throughout time, instead of evolution thru natural selection (which is more likely and makes more sense).

As times passes, Jesus-God knocks up his own mom (yuck), straight up cock blocking his own (earthly) dad so he could be born of human flesh (and I dunno if he was cool with his earthly dad, but really, Joseph manned up and did the correct thingy by raising his God-Son that imprego'd hiiiissssss wife. If that is not nice then I dunno what is).

After a relatively short time here on da erffs, I believe 32 years, right, through his powers that be and with the help of mere humans ranging from politicians, police and his students, he kills himself as a sacrifice to, err, his self, because he wants that to be an example for mere humans (died for our sins).

It's not over yet, you awesome atheists you...Then he gets outta bed, err, raises from the dead after three days (because three is a great number in numerology), hits up the hottie Mary, talks to some peeps (depending on which story you subscribe to), then literally rises into the air (ascension) to go meet his dad, who is really himself. Guess what, it's still not over.

Before he leaves he promises to come back in the lifetime of his students (disciples), but in the meantime they halfta promote his brand-Christianity. I dunno if Jesus-God, even tho dude is ALL powerful-n-stuff, got human and dog years all mixed up, but 2,000 years has passed.

In the meantime many different splinter cells of the Jesus cult have sprung up, died, resurrected or started anew. Forget that there are no original documents of his teaching and the documents that are available are considered corrupt and the authors are anonymous (that's you bible), the preacher man can still decifer the true meaning and intent of his teaching. Which include my two favorites 1) women folk are second class, one step above cattle but certainly below the average bro-dude (in fact a young teen boy, today, in many churches have more authority than their mommies) and 2) my super awesome LGBT friends that love eachother and are good people...cannot get married (there's more but I won't go into that).

Here's the goodie part...when dude comes back (within someone's lifetime) he is gonna take a select few (I've heard that the number is 80,000, really) of the erff peeps to his dads house, which is really his house, called the Kingdom of Heaven. At the pad the select few will enjoy an eternity of...mmm, the pleasure of his company, which is, mmm, heaven (?) for ever and ever and ever. The peeps remaining, which is 99.99999999999999% of the population, will suffer a horrible and painful existence for the same amount of time (eternity) that the elitists enjoy.

I used to love these guys. Soooo good.

But even before that happens, The Chosen People must steal the land from the people that have already been living there for hecka long, thus establishing their homeland (Israel) and when this happens that will be one of the signs that "He" is coming back-which simultaneously means the literal destruction of the entire erffs, including the Chosen People (in this religious version they were not *chosen* to go to heaven, they were chosen to be killed).

Why?

Because "He", Jesus-God, when "he" created this whole system and made us mere humans to be born with (original) sin (1).

That is what one must believe to believe that Christianity is the one    true    religion.

(1) Original sin doesn't really sound original, it sounds like Buddhism (karma). From the skeptic point of view...it don't make no sense.

* Thanks Becs. Follower her @sapient_ape