Poisoned Halloween Candy

 I read a million gazillion newspapers everyday...and the LA Times, often times, has some good atheist-y and Team Skeptic articles. Today they tackle the super stupid myth, urban legend, or as I call it, stupid stupidhead, of Halloween candy being poisoned-n-such. OM(nonexistent)Gawd...we're, agh, WTF. Any who...

Oh noz, a lion escaped from a private rare animal sanctuary. Kill it.

 Tricks in The Treats: The Myth of Poisons Halloween Candy the Mighty LA Times busts out with the "There have never been any substantiated cases of strangers tampering with Halloween candy." In fact the Times has written about it several times: "One area hospital has been x-raying candy for years and has never found anything," "candy poisoning (is a) myth."


Sociologist Joel Best had been trying to debunk the stupidhead myth for 30 years. Dude's Snopes interview is pretty much everything you need to know about the myth of Halloween candy poisoning that you needed too know but just was not interested enuff to ask about...because y'all think it's stupidghead, also. For 30 years dude has been looking at the numbers, the actual reported cases (that turned out to have another explanation, like fat kids eating too much.) and there have be no incidences of this urban legend ever happening. So why...

I have a theory that
Halloween is only popular because of the Slutty Halloween Costume Industry. It's true.

Well, to live in fear of course, right. After all we are America and we are a Christian nation (at least that is what we are told). We have to fear the terrorists, fear God (ironically because he loves us so much), fear the government, our neighbors, people that are different than us and yes, candy. Fear the fuckin' candy. After 9-11 the myth of the killer candy legend grew to include malls that give out candy. Now you can't go to a mall and get candy, because, I guess, the terrorists fucked up that candy. Sheez.

#teambro member (@Invisible_Govt) just suggested to me that maybe it's parents that don't want their kids to eat hella candy. Awh, I can just see that at the diner table, after a nite of collecting that sugary kid-crack called candy, and the kids greedily try and ingest all the candy at once, then the parents busts out with, "Nooooooo, wait..." So awesome.


If I were a parent (1) I would be more scared of a drunk driver than the mythical razor apple. And I know...I drink a lot. Have fun tonite everyone. Don't Drink and Drive (but do everything else).

(1) I wanna a half white half Asian baby to dress up as food for Halloween. Hope to c'ya soon (nonexistent) Kriss baby.

In the meantime...there are many kinds of "babies".

Is this my baby, DAM it's just a picture. 

* LA TIMES...Tricks in the Treats.

* The Always Good and Rational...Snopes.