I've been on the "zac" for a couple of weeks now and while I have notice a great great improvement...I'm still not 100%, yet. The past couple of days have been really difficult. Two days in a row now I've had super huge nervous breakdowns, much more severe than before (so WTF, I thought I was getting better and that makes it worse). My mind is still running too much for my taste and that leads to the frustration and that leads to the anger and that leads to the man tears (I frackin' hate that shit man, so much). The difference now is that I have hope. As of a couple of weeks ago, really, I had given up-no hope.
I keep talking about Nu Kriss, Kriss 2.0 and that is still a work in progress. My hair is still on the chopping block and now I'm entertaining shaving my entire body (ya know, being bald down there). Why. Hell if I know. I don't try and make sense outta my depression and the random crazy thoughts. I just feel what there is to feel and I keep telling myself "don't make any life changing decisions that I will regret later (shaving my hairy ass and 'cooch' is not life changing, but other things are). If I have said it once, I've said it a million times...The phoenix arises from the ashes, but I'm still in the ashes part.
One thingy that fo sho I have changed is that I do not follow sports anymore. Why? Don't frackin' ask me, I'm just rolling with the punches. Watching sports has given me great pleasure over the years and many many opportunities to drink my precious beer ("you'll never leave me, burp."). Just like when I went to this awesome three day hippie music festival at the start of summer and I didn't feel inspired by the music or the event, or the people (I'll never do that shit again (1)), I feel nothing when I watch sports or even read the sports section. Which brings me to this...
Goodbye Phoney Niner's (Forty Niners). We had some good times and lots of beers, but it is over. I've tried to follow the preseason stuffs, but my heart is not in it. Don't cry baby, I'll always have a place in my heart for you (esp. all those championship years), but the shit is over. I'll just call it like it is...You no longer do it for me and I have no feelings for you. Goodbye.
Thanks to everyone for the support. Atheist blogesphere you have been tremendous, as well as you, Twitter. I'll keep y'all posted. Thaks for keeping score and wish me luck.
(1) I've turned down three hippie festivals since that last one. I'm keeping this door open, for now. i really really had a horrible time at that last one, but my rational brain tells me that the history between us is too great. So we will see (don't make any life changing decisions, Kriss).
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